Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
