everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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