btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
