dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
