I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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