you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
