My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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