i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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