Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize