The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
