I love black thongs
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize