Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She even gives head with a lisp.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
