I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I did not marry a roomba.
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