All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
