last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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