hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
