The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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