I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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