The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
