I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
