Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Randomize
