My room smells like vodka and shame
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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