Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
