That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
