god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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