Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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