I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
