He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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