Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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