I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
this just has baby written all over it
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
