My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I want a musical about memes.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize