Sry I called you an 8
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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