Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
