Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
