video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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