Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
