How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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