I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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