Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
