I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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