she looked like the before picture.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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