she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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