YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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