I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
