Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
