she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
