We need to start having sex underwater more often.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
