I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
FUCK WHALES
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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