Please, let me fuck your mom
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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