The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
