I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
