u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
