By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
