I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Randomize
