Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
