is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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