everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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