At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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