It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My dick has a subreddit
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
