The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
