this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
