Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
