There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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