I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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