R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
