Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
