Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My ass is underappreciated
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
