I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
