Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
