real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
