Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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