I feel like abortions should bother me more
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I touched a dick in church today
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
