I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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